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Hi, everyone,
I am just wondering if there are any signs on whicht to recognise if a female is actually a sub (before you ask her, of course). Is there a specific way of behaviour, style of dressing etc ? :help:
Any suggestions would be much appreciated.
Thanks, Hogar.
Hogar, I think it might help if you specify what type of situation you are looking to "pick a submissive out of." Are you asking about how we act in public say a restaurant or bar ? I don't think that there is anything about a sub's behavior that can be "picked out" we're not all low on self esteem, we don't walk wearing black seeming submissive to the world or anything like that. We're all different forms of people - some of us have very prominent and influential jobs and are very dominant in them, others may be more submissive all the way around but I don't think for a second that there is any "one way" to pick out a sub and i would advise you to be cautious about who and how you're asking.
I really don't think you can tell. I'm a very confident, assertive, and outgoing person everywhere but the bedroom, including in dating my relationships. Yet I've been strictly sub until quite recently. I know lots of people who are unassertive in day to day life but have absolutely no interest in bdsm, or even some who suddenly become dominant in the bedroom.
There are a couple people who have been able to spot it in me somehow, yet they were always subs themselves. I have no idea what they're seeing that tips them off, but it seems some people have a sort of intuition for it.
The only thing that possibly might give you a hint is how they flirt. If they flirt with you in a submissive way or in a way that suggests you are a dominant, it's probably a sign that they are submissive.
If someone you don't know very well says "Hi, My name is painslut, and I'm a sub. Who are you?" I would suggest turning your crap detector up to !0,
her_Joe
i think the best thing to do is ask, if thats possible and with superb timing (good luck!). i think dutig and little one is right about not being able to pick someone out that easily. most of us (at least i would like to think) have perfectly normal families, friends, jobs, childhood, etc that seems just like anybody else.
i never really had someone pick me out. i'll prolly don't know what to do if someone did and confronted me about it. How did some of you guys reacted?
Well I usually drop subtle hints, and some women pick up on them. Most of the time the hints are completely missed!! :(
When I was a high school in grade -thinks- 9 my best friend.. and still my best friend was definatly a dom.. and I'd know I was a sub ages before then.
Most people in my year had no idea what bdsm was, but us, we weren't the most innocent girl ever :rolleyes: we often had fun emailing pictures of naked men lolol (mainly hentai hehe)
We are both definatly straight as she had a boyfriend, as did I and you only had to show one of us a picture of a hot guy and well.. we were off pointing out what exactly made him hot :D
But I could always tell she was a dom, and shes always know I was a sub, I think its just because you can tell if you become friend with someone, we never said anything about it much, we just knew. Trust me, if you get to know someone.. you can just tell :)
Indications of female submissive: In casual conversation she tends to look down with eyes when you (male) are speaking -- or slightly bows head. She wears anything like a collar/choker or inordinate use of braclets around wrists. Behavior: She walks behind you on a path.Quote:
Originally Posted by hogar
maybe?
she takes care of you. like, if you were in a bar or something.
I think it depends on the setting. and I agree with ponytrainer12.
We are both submissive, but in our professional lives we have to be very dominant. As far as we see it, this may even be the reason we prefer to be submissive in our private lives. We want respite from being dominant there. We sincerely doubt one could tell we are submissive if he or she saw us in our professional lives.
i have a somewhat high stress job where i am definitely in control. i, however, like giving that control up in the bedroom (or wherever!) because it gives me a lot of leeway to do things i would never do otherwise - it takes the power away from me and i can just enjoy everything without worrying or overanalyzing everything. there are so many things i have done that i would have NEVER done otherwise. looking at me, talking with me, you would never know.
I was approached by someone who wanted to take pictures of me, because I was ( i think) his body type, and present a very powerful persona. After 10 days of email flirting, and an hour or so of taking pix, he knew I was a sub, even if I didn't (yet). Huh. I suspect he knew almost immidiatly after we began exchanging emails, now that I think about it. ;p
We met entirely outside of the BDSM scene as well.
I don't know where you are or your age, but here are some suggestions if you are looking outside whatever 'scene' is in your area: Find someone you are drawn to. ask simple but open ended questions. Flirting is a great way to break the ice, especially as if you push a potential boundary you aren't locked into having outed yourself, if you desire not to at first.