I want to thank the ladies who have already spoken out on this subject for their thought provoking comments. Once again I have had my eyes opened to the diversity of this community.

I have posted a few things in these forums, mostly on topics not directly related to BDSM. Partly, this is because I have a wide range of interests outside of BDSM that I sometimes feel I must comment on. And partly it is because I have not had too much real experience with it. What experience I have had has been mostly either through chat/email or over the telephone.

But in relation to this topic, I would like to say that I would find it very difficult, if not impossible, to have either a sexual or BDSM relationship with someone I did not love and respect. And I would hope that those feelings would be reciprocated by my partner. But in the context of BDSM, the act of lovemaking is not a prerequisite for me.

In the small handful of real life encounters I have had, some of them did involve sex, some did not. And to be honest, I think I enjoyed the ones without the act of sex more.

This isn't to say that sexuality is not important in what happens. I tend to focus on my bottom's sexual equipment more than the rest of her body, though I do realize that there are areas other than her breasts and genitalia that are stimulating to her. And I also understand that she tends to require some form of sexual release from a session, so I try to make certain that she will achieve orgasm...eventually!

But for my part, I get more pleasure from her willing acceptance of the bondage and sensual torture than I do from the actual sex act. And I don't always need to orgasm myself. I am fulfilled by the love and trust that she shows for me, and from knowing that I would not be able to do any of it without the love and respect I have for her.

I hope some of this makes sense to you.