hmmm, i'd have to say that for me personally, sex (using the term very broadly) is quite an important factor in BDSM. This is probably because being in a D/s relationship of any sort, to whatever degree has always ignited such passion in me (again, used broadly), both physically and spiritually....and has seemed to do equally with any Dominant with whom i have been involved. Hence, it seems to me that sexual feelings are inexorably linked with D/s relationships and BDSM in general. i also believe that being as most of us probably had our earliest fantasies regarding BDSM around the time of the onset of puberty, it is bound to in some way always be associated (for me anyway) with sexual feelings to some degree.

i am not saying that D/s cannot sometimes take on a very non sexual apperance (such as being generally submissive in terms of getting someone's coffee, doing someone's bidding etc), but, for me, this only adds to the over all submission and consequently the over all pleasure. Nor am i saying, of course that i place my sexual pleasure above all else in the relationship...this would remove the point of being a submissive and i would cease to be arroused anyway; but subs are still human i may give up my right to orgasms when i see fit, but it doesn't stop me wanting them *g*.

i'm not sure i agree that love has to always feature in D/s relationships (although i reckon it sure helps, especially long term) but i certainly think, speaking as a submissive, that respect is paramount, i couldn't even contemplate submitting, in any way, to someone for whom i didn't respect, as a person.


Very interesting thread this.

sl