Okay, I hope this makes some form of sense to at least someone out there as I am extremely exhausted and I have no psychology background what-so-ever. I have no knowledge of the mating habits and aggresiveness of wild beasts, so I will stick to what I know best...myself.

Up until I was about 16 years old I was very niave when it came to matters of sex and lust. I knew nothing at all about it. My first boyfriend whom I had sex with would basically do his thing, toss me my clothes and walk out. I thought that was normal. I knew nothing of foreplay or sexual gratification. I don't think that I even knew what an orgasm was. All I know is that I didn't enjoy it in the least.

Now we go on to the next boyfriend. I was a little more sexually motivated by this time and knew a little more. But sex was BORING. I couldn't help but think "Is this it? Doesn't sex get anymore interesting than this?" Well needless to say, it didn't. AT least not with him.

Then I cuaght an episode of Real Sex on HBO late one night that had a bit on BDSM. I was stunned. I was appalled...yet I couldn't look away. I was amazed at what lengths people went through to "get off". The more I thought about it though, the more I realized that that was what had been missing.

"Vanilla sex" as many like to call it, was no fun for me. At first I didn't know why, but then it started to grow on me.

I guess I am kind of like my Master in that respect. I started into BDSM because of boredom...sexual boredom. I got no satisfaction from conventional sex and found I had to go to more extremes than the average person (as I knew what average was back then)

I think my submission came by nature and nurture. It started out as being natural. It seemed to be the only right choice for me. As time went on, it was nurture because of the training I recieved and places like this where we can discuss our interests, it nurtured my natural desire. It made it grow into something more than just a passing fantasy into a reality.

I can't define the exact moment I KNEW of my role or my interests because they are constantly changing, growing, expanding. My tastes have changed dramatically since I first started, and I am sure, given time, the will change somemore. I just flow with what I am feeling, give in to the need to fulfill some part of me. I hope this makes sense, because at nearly 6 am, not much does to me.