The Same Partner Or Different?

[moptop]

Ahh, this is so interesting, and so difficult. I am by nature a (serial) monogamist: I have intense relationships with one person, I love them, I expect them to love me, and for us to be completed in eachother. For whatever reasons, they tend to last about 5 years.

However, I am gradually coming to an awareness or suspicion of myself: whilst seeing myself as a sub, I seem to attract sub men. In the present relationship I`m in, I have been very much the sub, and he very much the Master; but he is now in love with another woman, to whom, he says, he feels he can submit completely (he`s said that to me: not to her); and certainly, given comments about whether I`d like him to lick my shoes and others, I had recognised some definite sub tendencies in him previously. This squiggles my brain: I don`t think we can switch in our relationship - he still considers himself the Master - although I would like to pick up redEva`s comment that it is a "privilege to be in place of power", and one that I feel he has abused (by taking me on and then dropping his dominion over me without thought or consideration of the consequences for me) - so I`m certainly considering presenting him with a switch in the relationship: but I`m not sure I`m truly capable of Domming, and I`m DEAD scared of it! Suspicion I may be very, very nasty underneath it all... But anyway - he is hurting me. I do not like him being with another person. I think maybe if we were all 3 of us able to work it together, I could actually cope, but him going between her and me, and expressing emotional preference (for her...) - how do you all manage it? I just don`t know how to share emotionally, and I wish I did, because it is very possible that he needs two different things, and needs them from two different people. I would like to be able to offer him that. Oh. Sounds like a sub speaking...

[miss_sweetpea]

After several partners as a submissive, I turned switch with my current partner, and we have been monogamous for well over a year now. Sometimes I am more Domme than sub, other times we can switch easily in the same session. I can't say what it would be like to sub to one partner and Domme another because I've never tried it - but I understand that it can work quite well if the power exchange is what really drives your switchyness (is that a word?)

miss_sweetpea

[Hime]

I'm polyamorous, and don't like to switch with the same person. Lately I've found that my first impulse when flirting with a new person is to go for the dominant role, and if they resist that then I might end up being submissive with them.

[icey]

ive never switched and know nothing about it it's been really interesting reading this thread,
im curious about it,ive seen Dom/mes in TPE r/ships talk about being masochistic and having their subs Top them in scenes ,what happens afterwards regaining the balance?

[Misato36]

After three partners as a submissive and one as a dominant, I still prefer one partner to several.

[Beswitchingly Positive]

Since my last post, my husband and I have discussed the unusualness of our situation. He and I have since taken on the roles which we have when in chat, and have discovered greater pleasure than we have known before. Our relationship has taken a very wonderful turn for the better, and are enjoying many new situations we never would have, had we not been a part of bdsmlibrary.

I found this to be most interesting. Does this mean the roles have been reversed, as in the chat, or that you are going back and forth now. Are you switching, or did you switch and stay?

That makes sense, as many have different names for their "alter egos". I know a switch with 3 different online names, each name has a distinct personality.

Wouldn't it be great to find you were switching with the same person?

Ruby, this made me laugh. Spoken like a true blue switch. I also read the comment you made about being able to switch with one partner but not with the other. I believe everyone is dominant to someone out there and vice versa. Also, people are always changing. It is rather nice when you find someone so close in nature to yourself that the switch feels natural. It really does seem to depend on the individual personalities involved.

Ahh, this is so interesting, and so difficult. I am by nature a (serial) monogamist: I have intense relationships with one person, I love them, I expect them to love me, and for us to be completed in eachother. For whatever reasons, they tend to last about 5 years.

However, I am gradually coming to an awareness or suspicion of myself: whilst seeing myself as a sub, I seem to attract sub men. In the present relationship I`m in, I have been very much the sub, and he very much the Master; but he is now in love with another woman, to whom, he says, he feels he can submit completely (he`s said that to me: not to her); and certainly, given comments about whether I`d like him to lick my shoes and others, I had recognised some definite sub tendencies in him previously. This squiggles my brain: I don`t think we can switch in our relationship - he still considers himself the Master - although I would like to pick up redEva`s comment that it is a "privilege to be in place of power", and one that I feel he has abused (by taking me on and then dropping his dominion over me without thought or consideration of the consequences for me) - so I`m certainly considering presenting him with a switch in the relationship: but I`m not sure I`m truly capable of Domming, and I`m DEAD scared of it! Suspicion I may be very, very nasty underneath it all... But anyway - he is hurting me. I do not like him being with another person. I think maybe if we were all 3 of us able to work it together, I could actually cope, but him going between her and me, and expressing emotional preference (for her...) - how do you all manage it? I just don`t know how to share emotionally, and I wish I did, because it is very possible that he needs two different things, and needs them from two different people. I would like to be able to offer him that. Oh. Sounds like a sub speaking...

Oh, moptop, I know this post is old and you are happier now. Reminded me the whole point for me is self control and not letting anyone make me feel crappy. If my lover was not valuing my gift of power or my taking, I would want to fix it or ditch him.

This post reminded me of my own power. The point for me is to find a fullfilling relationship. I could be mostly sub for the right person or mostly domme, but the essence of being a switch is that both ideas get me wet. So the best mate for me is another switch. I was in an open relationship, also was single and naughty for years...now, as I grow up and older, I find it very attractive to be monagamous, however being slightly bisexual, I honestly don't know if this is realistic...the perfect mate for me would at least be open to idea of another girl, at least as an experience.

The point is that people change and while right now I might feel monogamous, I know it could change. If it does I will be totally honest, and I would have to wiegh whether acting on the desire for a woman (or any other partner) is worth it.

I am feeling satisfyed by my man, and IF he is not pleased with the idea I could live without the girlfriend...if he ceased to satisfy me I might be more inclined to push him...if he is into the idea the fun could increase exponentially.

For me, it really does seem dependant on how much I care for my lover. Right now I am mad for him, he is a great source of joy for me, and if this continues we will cross that chasm when we get there.

I am open to all outcomes, keeping a very open mind and a flexible attitude seems to be part of the switchy way...so how's this for an answer to the original question posted, if I am in a serious relationship, it could be open or closed as long as the arrangement was good for everyone.

It is totally dependant on the dynamic between everyone; the girl that likes me likes it when I take a doninant attitude with her, yet she wants me to teach her to dominate men, but nothing sexual has become physical, it is all mental and emotional and my sweetie knows we are best friends and we love each other...

My sweetie is the dominant one, but sometimes he needs a break and asks me to take over, so in a sense I am submitting to his wishes but I also feel that if I ever needed to dominate him he would let me. We switch sometimes in the the same session...fuck the other day we seemed to pull off doing both at once, it was great! It was the perfect transition, I finally untied him, I had him by one arm and he managed to pin one of mine, no wait my arm was occupied by holding him, and he got me with those wicked nice legs of his...we somehow managed to hold each other down and tried to out twist each other's nipples...both making aggressive sexy comments and also very submissively taking pain at the same time...either of us could have easily used our free sides for self defense but instead we were both wanting the pain...and could not stop laughing in between shrieks of pain...then he took charge again. G-d, I love that man.

All permutations are possible, if you can think of it, it can happen, so I believe the answer is that answers may vary!

BP