Are switches confused or is everybody else?

[denuseri]

Peeks in to look at all the switches , all wide eyed, which switch should i flick first?

seriously i understand where you are coming from, but i would like to point out a few things to munch on

1) in a way even amongst submissives thier exists a hierachy, some girls domming others etc, even though they are all submissives, (notice i dont mention the boys) thats because they ussually (as i have seen on the internet and in real life) fall bellow the girsl for some reson, I dont know why, but one dom once told me its becuase of the hierarchy between dominants (yes some doms dom other doms -and or dommes etc lol) this is why my owner tells me we are all in a way switches

2) on subs being dominants, ive heard that one all the time, i know it seems like a dom that used to be a sub etc is skilled and they may be, (i also know its the "switch battle cry" lol no really i have never actually met a switch that dominated me well if at all>> dominance actually varies from individual to individual, i may be more dominant than another individual, i may know what they feel when certian things are done to them by me becuase ive had them done to me by another etc (oh wait thats right i probably learned the thing i am now doing to another from a dominant in the first place) but it is a completely spurious coroletion to think it makes me a better domme than a domme thats got dominant blood litterally flowing through her viens etc nessesarally, if that was the case i would make a better dom than my owner, which isnt just preposterious its downright silly

3)however this does not mean that the majority of us do not identify with one end of the spectrum more or less, of course it depends on the individual, my guess is switches just sit in the middle of the equation, sometimes dom sometimes sub, which is why those of us that have "commited" to a path feel like your confussed or cant decide or are affraid

4)alltough i must say and please dont take this the wrong way (this was explainned to me a long time ago by an old dominant and so far as ive seen it it pretty much rings true) He said:"allmost all of these ones that call them selfs "switches" are in fact actually just another type of submissive that also enjoys dominating those who will submit to them."
just some food for thought

i hope no one gets offended, it certiantly isnt my intention, i just wondered what the "switches thought" about this idea that i was actually taught and then later over time observed directly, especially once i came to this site and could observe so many switches first hand?

I certianly expect most if not all of you that identify yourselves as switches will disagree with me, i just want to mabey know why you do

hugs and kissess
denuseri

[samzum]

me being a selfprofessed switch.... agreeing with Craven and Ashton .. pretty much sums a lot of it up for me. As for Denuser's #4 ... there is ALWAYS someone somewhere who will dominate someone else, even if that person professes to be a total dom/domme .... it's the human nature thing ( clarifing that relationships can be very complicated, or simple depending on the circumstances ). Besides all that, I'm ok with having fun with who ever I may encounter ... hehe besides ... I like the sex ( guess it makes me enjoy the simple things in life ... for the relationship part .. well we just work it at it each day the best we can :-)

[craven]

Food for thought indeed Denuseri, thanks for sharing them with us, I really do feel a need to make comment with regard to sections 3 and 4 of your post, well ok most of it in fact lol.

I feel able to, and confident in calling myself a switch, not because I am confused, I cringe every time a domme tells me this, that I am confused because I simply, quote unquote “have not met the right domme yet” this really is not the case, I am far from confused, I know exactly what I want from all of the relationships that I enter into, from the outset, it is the qualifying criteria that denotes said relationships.

Often this statement is made by dommes who fail to understand me, make no effort to do so and attempt to domme cravens ass using their usual one size fits all dominant approach to BDSM.

I am, I feel very much towards the dominant end of the spectrum having only been a sub once before my current relationship, this did not end well, however as those that know me know I am currently serving one who is teaching me much about submission, and possibly more importantly helping me learn about myself as well.

This will I feel make me a more rounded person and a better and stronger Dom. However my Domma did not force me to surrender to her, nor make me serve her. I have done this and am doing so willingly. A Dom prior to, during and post this experience I certainly am, My Domma helped me uncover the submissive feelings and skills within me, she helped to unlock them so as to allow me to experience being a sub, but not just to experience the emotions within our relationship, but all potential future relationships, whether dom or sub, and to her I am her submissive, she controls me and embrace this and love it.

Your comment with regard to learning from other doms not necessarily making for a better domme, as in you could not learn to be better than your master is a valid one and here I feel I need to clarify why I feel that switches make very good doms. It is not because we learn from other doms how to dom, no not that at all, but rather because we understand how the submissive feels, what they need, and desire, we are in touch with our subs emotions because we have felt and experienced these feelings ourselves. We do genuinely understand and appreciate these.

Do I desire this going forward in all of my relationships no of course not, I am currently seeking a new submissive, not to hide or run from my own submissive feelings, but because this is what I desire to do. It is a conscious decision by me.

Different people trigger different feelings and desire within me, to say that life is black and white would be over simplifying things to the extreme, I have no issue or problem per se with those who are as you say committed to one path or the other, but just as, I as a heterosexual have no beef with those who are Bi-sexual I feel it is a matter of personal preference and choice, I do not seek to push my opinions onto others and am happy that we are able to debate such issues openly.

I would say though it is unjust to use the words confused or non-committal in conjunction with switches. I know I am neither. I am very committed to all of the relationships that I have been or am in.

As for point 4, I am neither going to refute this or support it, and no that its not a typical confused switch response. I have spoken with my Domma, herself a switch and other switches about this and feel that to be truthful, at times we all need different things within our lives.

I personally do not like to dom subs unless they are very strong themselves, there is real strength in submission, only those who are very strong and confident within themselves are truly able to surrender fully. Having experienced submissions and dominance I can state this with the up most confidence, so it really is not a case of switches simply seeking to dom those that will submit to them, far from it, much more complex in fact.

As such I am neither confused or a submissive I am a switch, I know this and am very confident and comfortable with it. I do feel that I sit very much towards the dominant side of the spectrum, as I would venture to many other switches. We do not tend to make the easiest subs, trust me on that one grins. I would venture.

Please don’t call me confused or say that I can be cured of my feelings, I am very happy as I am, I know what I am and like and welcome the ability to Dom and submit.

Both provide me with different feelings and rewards, I would never wish to have to make a permanent decision as to what label I wanted applied to me.

Perhaps switches ability to make this stance makes us the committed ones, as we are able to and prepared to make our own stance and not accept any of the pre ordained labels, this I leave with you, as I am sure it will prompt responses, I personally feel that we are all entitled to our own freedom of choice and expression.

Both elements give me great pleasure, and I have no desire to take a label and forsake one of these sources of pleasure.

I have made my choice and am very happy thank you, I need neither curing or clarity of thought, I am a switch, and that works for me thanks.

[Faibhar]

Far from finding offense, it is simply a shame that more can not "see out side of the box". Variety is switching does, at times, lead to a greater understanding of the Big Picture.

[thir]

Maybe my problem with one-siders is that in the bdsm culture I come from switching or being binary is - conservative judgement - at least about 50% of the bdsm population and no one is confused about it or think much of it. It was weird and unpleasant to meet the measure of negative reactions to switches or binaries which - aacording to my personal experiences - is apparently normal on a great many BDSM lists.

Furthermore due to a chronic disease which kind of changes everything I need to find myself as a binary bdsm person sort of from scratch, which is why I started talking about things.

Now, there are sooo many lists for subs and doms, but this is about the only list for switches or binarys I have been able to dig up though I have searched extensively, and I thought it would be possible to discuss switch questions here without running into the usual comments about switches which you meet ad nauseum on all the other lists. In the first case you usually end up trying to explain yourself to rather close minded people
which is a waste of time and which I therefore will not do here. In the second case, the reason for writing to a switch list is to talk to your own kind of people who understand what you are talking about rather more easily.

Seeing how you put so much distance between one-siders and powershifters, I am sure you can understand the this need.

So, I would like to ask why it is that there are people here who are neither switches, nor non-switches people who are here to learn and listen?
I would especially like to ask you, denuseri, whether you really think that your wide-eyed view of these funny animals and your derogatory views from old guard people are really helpful comments?

Would you for instance feel that if a person on a sub list - who was not a sub - wrote about 'not my view but many people consider subs to be doormats - just something to think about' was trying to be helpful? In a talk about why people 'look down on subs'?

thir

Peeks in to look at all the switches , all wide eyed, which switch should i flick first?

seriously i understand where you are coming from, but i would like to point out a few things to munch on

1) in a way even amongst submissives thier exists a hierachy, some girls domming others etc, even though they are all submissives, (notice i dont mention the boys) thats because they ussually (as i have seen on the internet and in real life) fall bellow the girsl for some reson, I dont know why, but one dom once told me its becuase of the hierarchy between dominants (yes some doms dom other doms -and or dommes etc lol) this is why my owner tells me we are all in a way switches

2) on subs being dominants, ive heard that one all the time, i know it seems like a dom that used to be a sub etc is skilled and they may be, (i also know its the "switch battle cry" lol no really i have never actually met a switch that dominated me well if at all>> dominance actually varies from individual to individual, i may be more dominant than another individual, i may know what they feel when certian things are done to them by me becuase ive had them done to me by another etc (oh wait thats right i probably learned the thing i am now doing to another from a dominant in the first place) but it is a completely spurious coroletion to think it makes me a better domme than a domme thats got dominant blood litterally flowing through her viens etc nessesarally, if that was the case i would make a better dom than my owner, which isnt just preposterious its downright silly

3)however this does not mean that the majority of us do not identify with one end of the spectrum more or less, of course it depends on the individual, my guess is switches just sit in the middle of the equation, sometimes dom sometimes sub, which is why those of us that have "commited" to a path feel like your confussed or cant decide or are affraid

4)alltough i must say and please dont take this the wrong way (this was explainned to me a long time ago by an old dominant and so far as ive seen it it pretty much rings true) He said:"allmost all of these ones that call them selfs "switches" are in fact actually just another type of submissive that also enjoys dominating those who will submit to them."
just some food for thought

i hope no one gets offended, it certiantly isnt my intention, i just wondered what the "switches thought" about this idea that i was actually taught and then later over time observed directly, especially once i came to this site and could observe so many switches first hand?

I certianly expect most if not all of you that identify yourselves as switches will disagree with me, i just want to mabey know why you do

hugs and kissess
denuseri