Others have been where you are, you are not the first, and you are not alone. Though your friends and family cannot fully understand your situation, they can still provide you with support and love. You have all of our support here, too, and with time you will be able to heal.

My cousin of 27 years passed away a few months ago suddenly, and his parents and brother all speak with a grief counselor, and they've told me that it helps them. Perhaps it might help you too, so that you will be able to speak with a real person about the entirety of your situation. I hope you are able to find comfort from whatever you choose to do.