faking it

[Arria]

*grins hugely at Ozme* You can be so sweet.

I, too, faked almost always (yes, true) in vanilla relationships (ok, I did not have many, but one was really long).
I was far younger then. Young men are often insecure and you can NOT tell them you did not come, because they will tell you something is wrong with YOU if you didn´t!!
Either they get angry (if they don´t give a fuck about you and only think of themselves), or else they get sad and guilty (if they really love/like you and genuinely wish to please you).

The point is also that at a young age (or if you are simply inexperienced!) you cannot tell them how to do it better because you don´t know YOURSELF what would have to be different.

So. That was my vanilla life. When I got together with hubby (my first and only BDSM relationship), I was horribly nervous. I did not DARE fake an orgasm because he had a really huge LOT of women, and he can TELL if she enjoys what he´s doing, or not.
*grins*
Being nervous did not help. After a while, he asked what was up, and I told him. He then said if I kept worrying about it, I would NEVER come as nervousness does not help (so true). He assured me he would not get angry or anything, and would not blame me.
And so it happened. And the moment I lost my fear, I came like a sledgehammer.

Same thing accounts for the position 69. I used to totally hate it, because I can EITHER concentrate on the guy, OR on myself. Not both. Now the idiots I had always either yelled at me for stopping to work on their noodle when I just got a few seconds to enjoy myself - or else, they complained that I did not come (which I did not, because I tried to please THEM, goddamit!!).

So, again, explaining had to be done to hubby, because he could not believe I dislike that position actually... He simply told me that he wants to busy himself with my nether regions while I did the same to him, because he LIKES that, and he did not care if I enjoyed it or not (this was within a scene, yes, God, it made me so horny... ya, I like to be used *g*).
Guess what happened. I let myself go. And the very second I let myself go, and realized he did not complain about me stopping blowing for a few seconds while I just enjoyed myself VERY much, I was able to stop the worrying.
I very nearly fainted with that orgasm.
And I did not have such problems since.

Hummm.

Damn, now I´m horny. And hubby is on a business trip. *grumbles*

[Ozme52]

*grins hugely at Ozme* You can be so sweet.

Same thing accounts for the position 69. I used to totally hate it, because I can EITHER concentrate on the guy, OR on myself. Not both.

That's why I prefer 68. You eat me and I'll owe you 1.

Damn, now I´m horny. And hubby is on a business trip. *grumbles*

Then how about a little 77? Just like 69 but you get 8 more...

[gypsiecowboy]

in vanilla relationships I have often faked having an orgasm... and the women never knew it. of course that could only happen when I was inside them and not in their mouths either.

I got to be very good at helping non-orgasmic women reach the big O, using My fingers and My lips/teeth/tongue. Eventually I reached a place where I can help them cum with words, even words online or on paper... not always and not with all females of course, but often and with many. there is no question that females' most important sexual hotspot is the brain. similarly, or so I have been told by numerous females, they do not get turned on by photographs or movies the way We do.

but I learned that even My vanilla partners were turned on by bdsm movies of quality and by Me reading good raunchy fiction out loud to them while they blew on my horn. which is how and why I brought My roughlove proclivities home with Me in the first place.

but I am hard to bring to orgasm, I have great staying power - something I taught Myself very young, along with how to give really good sensual massages (before I studied therapeutic massage which is often the exact opposite) and I love getting and giving good head for absolutely longer and longer times... hours sometimes...

and (dont take this as a challenge) I never knew a woman who did not cum when I gave them head unless they stopped Me because they didnt want to reach orgasm. but I have known a woman who hated long-lasting foreplay and after 13 years of love decided she could not deal with how long it would take me to cum! she had turned into a bang em and leave em... and got scared of her sub tendencies and long love-making hard or soft...

which is why we divorced I think, in the simplification realm.

now she lives with a man a it older than half my age and I betcha he cums pretty quickly so her tmj jaw doesnt have to get overworked any more.

GypsieCowboy

[Pearlgem]

Wow, lots of good tips to think about here. I enjoy viewing porn but I don't really get turned on looking at studs. I like to see women in all sorts of precarious/submissive situations because I identify with them and it stimulates my erotic imagination far more. I wonder if many heterosexual women are the same. I suppose that's why I love dirty stories most of all - words that creep into my mind and start insinuating themselves in there do it for me.
Seems like there's lots of men out there with some really great techniques and know how. Wouldn't it be nice to have a sort of Exchange and Mart set up!

[cookiecat]

Wow, lots of good tips to think about here. I enjoy viewing porn but I don't really get turned on looking at studs. I like to see women in all sorts of precarious/submissive situations because I identify with them and it stimulates my erotic imagination far more. I wonder if many heterosexual women are the same. I suppose that's why I love dirty stories most of all - words that creep into my mind and start insinuating themselves in there do it for me.
Seems like there's lots of men out there with some really great techniques and know how. Wouldn't it be nice to have a sort of Exchange and Mart set up!

this is exactly me. i don't get turned on by watching videos (well, not always). when i'm alone & need to take care of me it's pictures of women in distress - stories that get my brain running faster... and when i'm with him, his words alone can be foreplay. or blindfolded, the noises i hear.

i hate to admit Oz is right but he mentioned he's usually pitching to a woman's mind. and isn't that the truth? mess with my head, please.

wait. i'm way off topic and suddenly getting myself all worked up! now that's a good thread.

at this stage in the game, if i can't cum, i just say it. that's usually all wrapped up in my head too. sometimes, there are words for that, too.

[Ozme52]

i hate to admit Oz is right but he mentioned he's usually pitching to a woman's mind. and isn't that the truth? mess with my head, please.

Hate?

lmao but I know you really love it.

[sweetlittleone]

Don't worry, i don't cum very easily, and i'll be honest...i honestly only came completely from another person doing the work twice..ever. Any other time it was because I helped, and was doin most of the work because they really really wanted me to cum (and i felt bad because THEY felt bad because they didnt think they could...it's just my body >_<). So yes, I'll be honest, I have faked it a couple times, even when with my Master. I remember he wanted to watch me play with myself and I played for like 20 minutes, and I just wasn't getting there. Normally i can get myself off quite easily, but it just wasn't working for me, and yes i did fake it. Vanilla i've always had a hard time cumming, and i know in terms of the lifestyle, i get SO much wetter and more turned on...but i still struggle to cum. I fear the day Master will demand that I cum within a time period or on demand and I fail to do so.

[Flaming_Redhead]

Ooooo the best 69 is with him on top with his cock down my throat...so I can asphyxiate myself.....omg....it's the only way I can cum in that position. Before the safety police give me a ticket, we don't do bondage with this. My hands are free to give him the signal that I need air NOW, which is to tap on his thighs.

[icey]

my body unfortunately ...and it can be unfortunate if your Dom decides on cum denial! responds very quickly lol and i have in the past cum even when ive been bored stiff just going through the motions with vanillas and barely even felt anything..i also did when i was raped (which is a bit difficult to admit to) and NO i did not enjoy even one second of that!!
so nope ive never had to fake it lol and my body does ''betray'' me however its simply a bodily function and was not connected to any pleasure at those times..it's just body fluid.

[Pearlgem]

I'm finding this thread rather reassuring. Sure, we all get extra excited in our liaisons - why we choose to BDSM over vanilla - but what I'm seeing from the replies so far is something obvious, I suppose, but true. Just as all BDSM relationships are uniquely forged between the partners involved, women's individual sexual physiology doesn't necessarily transform from zero to hero just because they're living their kink. Of course, it can do with a bit of practice and know how, but I do find it reassuring to read about real-life sexual experiences that actually sound realistic and not screamingly orgasmic every time. But then sex is not all about sex anyway, is it? Sexual excitement comes from many stimulants and the best are mental which of course is what BDSM excels at.

Anyway, anyone care to share their sure-fire aids to self-orgasm?

Well-written stories on here always put me in the mood.
I cannot do without my nipple clamps.
An anal plug if I want to treat myself.
Imagining myself splayed for my Master and him watching and directing me.
Can you spoil it for fingers with too much vibrating?

[leah06]

Who's to say that your soul will fade at all,
The one you sold to fool the world?
You lost your self-esteem along the way. . . .
Fake it, when you're out of direction,
Fake it, if you don't belong,
Fake it, if you feel like affection -
Whoa, you're such a fucking hypocrite.

- Seether (lyrics found on internet which agree w/ how I have always heard them; others exist)

NOT a comment on other people - how I always felt when I faked it, and pretty much the reasons I faked too. I stopped faking when I learned to give my partner the one-and-only key to my orgasm.

[fellintobed]

I faked once or twice and it always left me feeling miserable. I finally started recognizing when I just wasn't going to cum, and now I freely admit it - "hey, I'm not going to cum, but we can keep having sex if you want to". It's up to my partner to decide how he feels about a solo orgasm. Willingly giving my body for someone to use for his pleasure is slutty and submissive. I've found both reality and enjoyment in a sex life that includes the occasional night of honesty and no orgasms.

[lucy]

Willingly giving my body for someone to use for his pleasure is slutty and submissive.

I thought it's love, but i go with slutty and submissive too.

[fetishdj]

The two can often be easily confused...

[lucy]

Hihihi, yeah. As long as it feels right i couldn't care less what it is or what others call it

[Ozme52]

Heh heh.... Conflate. I love a hefty vocabulary.



BTW... I agree. And I'd trade ejaculation for an honest to god multiple orgasm faster than you can say OMFG!!! (Never much interested in kids of my own anyway.)

[jeanne]

BTW... I agree. And I'd trade ejaculation for an honest to god multiple orgasm faster than you can say OMFG!!! (Never much interested in kids of my own anyway.)

Oh this made me laugh! Thanks!

[angela_shy]

heard of squirting but didn't realise how/why/what... interested to try now

i feel i need maybe 75% psychology, 25% stimulation.

i heard someone say once that for men it's the 20 minutes of talk/seduction etc, before, that count for psych stimulation, whereas for women it was all about the preceding 24 hours. i'd kind of go with that... in "vanilla" relationships. Somehow i think for BDSM relationships the men are more like women in that respect...

one boyfriend (haven't had many!) wasn't really doing anything but going through the motions to please himself... i never came once. not once. in a 6-month plus relationship. and i was too shy to mention it...

my next boyfriend... i admitted to him during sex that i never come, and he smiled with a twinkle in the eye and said "that's going to change" - scared the pants off me LOL.

And it did change. He works hard to ensure i come, but we have to be careful because it becomes like a mission and hard work which is counter-erotic. all physical stimulation. it's hard to come like that.

i think we're both learning right now (rather than me (the inexperienced one) doing all the learning...). what i've discovered so far is playing games really helps...

[Veralynne]

Faking it, faking it, faking it. I think that very very very many women do, far more than will admit. I personally, did it all the time-in vanilla and non-vanilla sex. I firmly believe a man wants to make you cum so he'll be disappointed if you don't. Let's say in an instance you know it is just not going to happen. You're just not in the mood, or it's just not working, or whatever. Many people have been there- I know. What do you do? You know he knows how to get you off sometimes- so there's no point trying to "teach" him anything. Honestly, in such circumstances, I believe ignorance is bliss. Men can never tell- spare everyone's feelings. Really- there are times when I am very sexually satisfied even if I didn't cum. I still enjoyed the sex, etc. Or perhaps there is a time when I do not feel like having sex AT ALL- but did it just to please my partner. In that case- the mental aspect is not there for me so it's not going to happen, however I don't want to make my partner feel shitty so... yeah.

I am a big believer in honesty in relationships- but in terms of lies, I think this is a situation where it's more kind and helpful sometimes.

With that being said... recently I've been being good with my Master and honest about my... reactions :-P But, that might be because for Him I want to be a very good good girl :-)

[sinderella]

Have you ever faked it, perhaps for the usual vanilla reasons - to reward effort, to please him, to bring to a conclusion something you know's not quite going to work? Is this a terrible BDSM crime or something that happens more than we care to admit?

NEVER. a secure man does not get upset when you don't climax. i was with my then Master for hours and He came seven times and i didn't cum once...i think i was climaxing in my mind over the nipple clamping, bondage, etc... i got in this mode that i was there to be used for His pleasure, i guess, and didn't cum, although i had other times, a couple of times just kissing him with cloverleaf clamps on, and i have no trouble climaxing...anyway He was not upset at all, although He did play with me to try to make me cum. i think He would have been upset if i had faked it. i wouldn't do that to any man because i feel it is dishonest and disrespectful. that is just my opinion.