BDSM exploration vs Pregnancy safety

[StillLearning]

My fiance and I are just recently starting to explore this lifestyle, mostly I'm trying to guide him to become more dominant, as I learned before I meant him that I prefer to be the sub. Our current hurdle is the fact I'm currently 12 weeks pregnant with our child. I'm looking for techniques we can explore, while respecting the necessity of being sure we protect the pregnancy.

[lily27]

I have a seven month old, so this was a pretty recent issue for us.

The key is really just to listen to your body. As your pregnancy progresses you will get some odd and interesting aches and pains. If it hurts (in a non-sexy way), stop doing that.

Common sense is to not include any blows to your belly, but the reality is that, especially in early pregnancy, the baby is pretty insulated in there. Of course you want to avoid blunt force trauma, but a wayward flogger tail or slapper or something isn't likely to hurt anything.

We avoided breast bondage as to not interfere with milk duct production. We did still do some nipple play, like clamps and stuff.

As you progress, you will get to a point where you won't be able to lay on your back because the baby will press down on an important artery in your body. Pregnancy books say it is after 20 weeks or something, but believe me, you will know it when it happens. After about 34 weeks a couple of minutes of laying on my back would leave me nauseated and dizzy.

That is really about it. The only other thing is that during pregnancy I found that my pain responses were very heightened, and I could handle a lot less pain than I had previously enjoyed pre-pregnancy. So again, definitely listen to your body.... and maybe be willing to try things again after your baby is born and your hormones are back to normal.

Oh... and that leads to one more last thing (lol). Get your fiance to read up on aftercare. The hormones mess with you emotionally quite a bit, so he needs to be prepared for some big highs and lows on your part. I don't think I had a single orgasm while pregnant that didn't cause me to burst into tears.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, and welcome to the forums. If you have any more questions I would be happy to answer them, either in this thread, or in PM.

I wish you well,
-lily

[clipcrop]

Domination and submission is mental before anything physical. There's no reason why you can't advance the mental boundaries while limiting physical activities.

[StillLearning]

Thank you for the responses.

This is my second child, though the first I'll carry while practising any aspect of this lifestyle. I think this will help me know when my body is trying to tell me "Enough." My fiance has also been very good about respecting my voiced limits. If I tell him stop, he stops. I think right now while we are learning, it helps that I'm really too independent a personality to ever make a good "full-time" submissive. It keeps us from going too deep into the mentalities before we're ready, which mid-pregnancy-hormones, is not the best time to start.

And (I think) because the play is an aspect of our relationship, instead of the other way around, the necessary trust is already in place. And I've already had the taste of the joy a sub can feel in knowing her Dom is happy with her and trusts her. We were playing last night, and just the satisfaction I got in cradling Him after and knowing He trusted me enough to lay His head on my breast and go to sleep, I have a hard time describing it.

[AdrianaAurora]

We were playing last night, and just the satisfaction I got in cradling Him after and knowing He trusted me enough to lay His head on my breast and go to sleep, I have a hard time describing it.

I remember the first time He did that, it brought me to the verge of tears. Probably the most emotionally intense act we had done in our relationship. Takes a tremendous amount of respect, trust and love for a man, especially Dominant man, to do that - so warm congratulations on the baby and your relationship.

And welcome to the Library,

[Pearlgem]

And (I think) because the play is an aspect of our relationship, instead of the other way around, the necessary trust is already in place. And I've already had the taste of the joy a sub can feel in knowing her Dom is happy with her and trusts her. We were playing last night, and just the satisfaction I got in cradling Him after and knowing He trusted me enough to lay His head on my breast and go to sleep, I have a hard time describing it.

Oh, that's so lovely, SL. There is a deeper satisfaction in experiencing the love and trust within a BDSM relationship than in almost anything I know. It goes way beyond the merely sexual. It satisfies the body, mind and soul. I sometimes wonder what I fantasized about before I met my Master. How can you possibly gain any meaningful satisfaction if in your thoughts you don't have 'The One' sharing it with you? There can be great tenderness at the heart of what we do. I wish you much happiness. x x

[slutpuppet]

I was glad to see this thread as I am going through the same thing right now. Stillearning, drop me a line anytime.

[munajadida]

This is something I've been concerned about lately, since my husband and I are trying. I know that he's going to be terrified about hurting the baby with vanilla sex, let alone anything rough. We'll definitely have to work through things as they come up, since it's not really a subject that's often considered.

[brwneydgirl]

This is something I've been concerned about lately, since my husband and I are trying. I know that he's going to be terrified about hurting the baby with vanilla sex, let alone anything rough. We'll definitely have to work through things as they come up, since it's not really a subject that's often considered.

If he's truly terrified about continuing on with sex if/when you become pregnant, perhaps it's best to have him come with you to a doctor's visit and speak to your ob/gyn about his concerns...I'm sure your doctor will be more than happy to put his fears to rest. Once he's more comfortable with that aspect, then maybe you could try incorporating small things here and there but honestly, I have to agree with prior replies stating it's mostly mental....it really is.

Good luck to you!

[Ozme52]

Not that I have any first hand experience (on this one topic.... okay, there may be others too.)

I have a friend who not only seemed to have a full sex life, but also played. In fact, she apparently underwent a full suspension... like a week before delivering. Really!! I saw the pics.

The baby was delivered and he's fine... though I hear that he likes mom all trussed up when he's nursing.

[brwneydgirl]

.. though I hear that he likes mom all trussed up when he's nursing.

[munajadida]

If he's truly terrified about continuing on with sex if/when you become pregnant, perhaps it's best to have him come with you to a doctor's visit and speak to your ob/gyn about his concerns...I'm sure your doctor will be more than happy to put his fears to rest. Once he's more comfortable with that aspect, then maybe you could try incorporating small things here and there but honestly, I have to agree with prior replies stating it's mostly mental....it really is.

Good luck to you!

We won't be seeing an Ob/Gyn (I'm birthing at home) but I'm sure by the time I actually manage to get knocked up I'll be able to convince him that it's ok. That or I'll go down on him until his brain is mush and he does whatever I tell him to. Sometimes the sub's gotta take a bit of control.

[Masters_kitty]

We won't be seeing an Ob/Gyn (I'm birthing at home) but I'm sure by the time I actually manage to get knocked up I'll be able to convince him that it's ok. That or I'll go down on him until his brain is mush and he does whatever I tell him to. Sometimes the sub's gotta take a bit of control.

Even if you're just doing a home birth, you should still be seeing a doctor or midwife as you go along to make sure your pregnancy is progressing in a healthy manner. Otherwise, risk factors may arise that you never foresaw, and your home birth may quickly lead to a serious emergency. Please at least go in for check-ins to make sure you are carrying well and not facing any serious complications. (Sorry, I'm from a family of nurses, I'll get off my soap box now.) Anyways, when you see any of those doctors, have them explain to your husband about the risks and benefits of sex during pregnancy. Or, if you are seriously anti-doctors, pick up a few pregnancy books. Sex during pregnancy can be a very healthy thing, and some couples use it late in the pregnancy to induce labor.

[Ozme52]

I agree, home birthing is fine if you've done the due diligence to make sure the pregnancy is proceeding normally.

The simplest complication can be easily dealt with, and still do your birthing at home... which if unattended, can lead to a tagedy.

[jeanne]

I don't have anything against home birth - in fact, when I was pregnant with my first child the Lamaze class had 6 couples...and 4 of them were planning home births. However, you do need to see a doctor or midwife regularly over the course of the pregnancy, just to ensure that things are going well. And to establish a relationship with someone who will be available if things do begin to go awry at home. If you look, you can find doctors and/or midwives who are "home birth friendly".

[munajadida]

Why is everyone jumping all over me to go see somebody? I'm seeing a midwife and I never said otherwise. I'm actually a student midwife myself, so I'm very familiar with any warning signs in pregnancy.

[Tiler]

Why is everyone jumping all over me to go see somebody? I'm seeing a midwife and I never said otherwise. I'm actually a student midwife myself, so I'm very familiar with any warning signs in pregnancy.

All the best with it....... are we doing some name suggestions lol

[brwneydgirl]

Why is everyone jumping all over me to go see somebody? I'm seeing a midwife and I never said otherwise. I'm actually a student midwife myself, so I'm very familiar with any warning signs in pregnancy.

I don't think anybody was "jumping all over" you and I guess the good news is that as a student midwife, you should have no trouble convincing your husband that sex during pregnancy is safe (with or without a brain-mushing blowjob!).

Good luck to you

[Ozme52]

Why is everyone jumping all over me to go see somebody? I'm seeing a midwife and I never said otherwise. I'm actually a student midwife myself, so I'm very familiar with any warning signs in pregnancy.

No one jumped you. When you participate, you invite comments. You said you weren't seeing an Ob/Gyn and you didn't offer up any information (at that point) that said you were seeing anyone else or had the knowledge yourself...

and considering how many youngsters and otherwise inexperienced folk peruse these forums, of course you're going to get advice when it "appears" you are taking a risky course of action.

You should be glad such happens... next time it might be something you need to know... and how do you know you need it if you don't know what to ask for.

We're just a helpful bunch of kinksters.