Polyamorous or just not sure?

[J-Go]

My grandmother used to say "Don't be so open minded your empty headed" It took me a long time to really understand what that meant. As I got older I understood that the meaning was “know your boundaries.” This has been a fascinating discussion on boundaries, some people have the ability to extend to multiple simultaneous relationships some don’t. From these posts it’s obvious that not every one sees poly the same way, I guess it would be a damn short boring thread if we did.
So here is an opinion to ponder. Polyamorous is indeed a life style however there is also polyamorous action that has nothing to do with being in a poly lifestyle.
It’s very common to be in a committed singular relationship and engage in polyamorous activity. For example, I meet a friend…an old girlfriend for sake of argument, we have a few beers and kiss passionately before saying good night…”great to see you again, bye” no sex. I have just engaged in an amorous activity with another i.e. I have given amour to another, I have engaged in an activity that shows affection beyond a hand shake shall we say. OK all, morally where am I? Did I violate my committed relationship with a kiss? Or is it only a violation if it’s kept a secret? Or is it a violation if the action hurts the one I’m committed to?
Alright all, bring on the opinions!

[gemmy]

My grandmother used to say "Don't be so open minded your empty headed" It took me a long time to really understand what that meant. As I got older I understood that the meaning was “know your boundaries.” This has been a fascinating discussion on boundaries, some people have the ability to extend to multiple simultaneous relationships some don’t. From these posts it’s obvious that not every one sees poly the same way, I guess it would be a damn short boring thread if we did.
So here is an opinion to ponder. Polyamorous is indeed a life style however there is also polyamorous action that has nothing to do with being in a poly lifestyle.
It’s very common to be in a committed singular relationship and engage in polyamorous activity. For example, I meet a friend…an old girlfriend for sake of argument, we have a few beers and kiss passionately before saying good night…”great to see you again, bye” no sex. I have just engaged in an amorous activity with another i.e. I have given amour to another, I have engaged in an activity that shows affection beyond a hand shake shall we say. OK all, morally where am I? Did I violate my committed relationship with a kiss? Or is it only a violation if it’s kept a secret? Or is it a violation if the action hurts the one I’m committed to?
Alright all, bring on the opinions!

That's Brilliant!!! I love it

My opinion is you violated your relationship simply on loyalty. You commit to a monogamous relationship, that's it - you don't get to evaluate single cases after the fact. You either are 100% committed or you aren't. As you didn't have prior consent, you are being disloyal. If she agrees after the fact when you tell her that it's ok, then you got lucky - if she doesn't, then you've hurt her simply by being unfaithful and dishonest with the loyalty you have previously setup (assuming your committed relationship requires loyalty, which most do).

Personally, if agreed on a committed relationship I always stipulate that if my significant other feels the need to stray (yes, that includes a kiss that isn't a friendly 'cheek' kind of kiss), they have two choices; discuss it with me Before you act on it or leave me. Very cut and dried, no grey areas.

I've found myself in the situation to have my head turned by another while still married and although my marriage had been in the toilet for over three years, I still wouldn't hurt him by cheating. I chose to finally leave seeing that as the final sign that I had nothing left invested in my marriage.

[sidhewolf]

My grandmother used to say "Don't be so open minded your empty headed" It took me a long time to really understand what that meant. As I got older I understood that the meaning was “know your boundaries.” This has been a fascinating discussion on boundaries, some people have the ability to extend to multiple simultaneous relationships some don’t. From these posts it’s obvious that not every one sees poly the same way, I guess it would be a damn short boring thread if we did.
So here is an opinion to ponder. Polyamorous is indeed a life style however there is also polyamorous action that has nothing to do with being in a poly lifestyle.
It’s very common to be in a committed singular relationship and engage in polyamorous activity. For example, I meet a friend…an old girlfriend for sake of argument, we have a few beers and kiss passionately before saying good night…”great to see you again, bye” no sex. I have just engaged in an amorous activity with another i.e. I have given amour to another, I have engaged in an activity that shows affection beyond a hand shake shall we say. OK all, morally where am I? Did I violate my committed relationship with a kiss? Or is it only a violation if it’s kept a secret? Or is it a violation if the action hurts the one I’m committed to?
Alright all, bring on the opinions!

First to say > I like Your GrandMothers saying. It rings so True to me. And it makes Honest and Good sense <soft smiles>.

Nextly on the questions; I would have to say this> You and Your Partner(s) Know eachother, and what Your Agreements in, and expectations of, that relationship are. So You likely Know where Your Morality is, whether or not You violated anything (likely before You did so if You are Real Honest about this), whether or not a secret is a violation, or whether what You do will hurt Your Partner. If You make Agreements and set Bounderies with someone and then break them You Know that.

A Real Kicker to me in these things is PPL who make Agreements and set Bounderies for their Relationship(s) with their Partner(s), and then just break the Spirit of those Agreements and Bounderies. IE tell lies of ommission, look for loopholes (like attorney's do). Seemingly keeping the Agreements and Bounderies, when they Really Aren't, ya know?

Respectfully~SidheWolf