Why do many BDSM people look down on switches?

[Arria]

I do not look down on switchers, in general. There was a time when a few switches were around in the scene, and that was fine with me (I am not much of a scene person, but hubby is).

What I find aggravating is the new trend (at least hereabouts, in Germany), that all of a sudden the majority of people seem to think EVERYBODY is basically a switch, and they try and force that opinion unto others like me, who has not a switching bone in her body.
They are extremely patronizing, and they (not that I had asked their opinion) run around, announcing everyone who does not switch is "suppressing" that other half, and has a problem, and should try it, or rather, the partner one is with should let his partner try it.
It´s crackbrained. And I do not believe half of the switches who run around nowadays are for real.
A huge load of those people I met were sub men who found no Domme, and thought it a smart move to pretend to be a switch (who just happens to need being dominated in 99 out of a 100 times in upcoming play scenes). Duhhh.

I personally am not a switch and cannot begin to understand what it must be like. I think it must be confusing in a relationship - how do they go about deciding who is the top and who the bottom all the time?

Hubby spoke with some switches, and they explained that their "state" depends on the person they are with - some people evoke their dominance, others evoke their submission, so it´s not a problem in a relationship as things are settled.

But even if it is like that, I think it must be hard to be fulfilled in a relationship where you get only half of what you want.
The idea of playing outside the relationship is not an option for everyone, either (it certainly wouldn´t be ok for me).

[Laila]

I don't think its just switches - looking down on people seems to be the scene's favourite form of entertainment.

Just today in a random chat conversation I got laughed at and patronized for being an exclusive sub. Like I don't take my submission seriously.

Like Arria, I have trouble understanding how to be a switch because I could never never be dominant but then I can't understand how to be dominant either.

[Flaming_Redhead]

What I find aggravating is the new trend (at least hereabouts, in Germany), that all of a sudden the majority of people seem to think EVERYBODY is basically a switch, and they try and force that opinion unto others like me, who has not a switching bone in her body.
They are extremely patronizing, and they (not that I had asked their opinion) run around, announcing everyone who does not switch is "suppressing" that other half, and has a problem, and should try it, or rather, the partner one is with should let his partner try it.
It´s crackbrained. And I do not believe half of the switches who run around nowadays are for real.

It's happening here, too. However, I have been on the receiving end of "you aren't really a switch." I find it also to be extremely patronizing to be called "a sub who likes to top." There has been only one person I wanted to dominate on a full-time basis, but she only wanted to play. As soon as I found that out, I had no interest in topping her anymore, even though I top others I have no interest in dominating full-time. *shrugs* With her, I wanted it all or nothing.

My switching is based on who I'm with, and you're right about part of you being unfulfilled at times. It all comes down to what you need the most. I can give up topping to be with a dom who doesn't allow playing outside. I can't give up being submissive to be a dom full-time.

[thir]

What I find aggravating is the new trend (at least hereabouts, in Germany), that all of a sudden the majority of people seem to think EVERYBODY is basically a switch, and they try and force that opinion unto others like me, who has not a switching bone in her body.
They are extremely patronizing, and they (not that I had asked their opinion) run around, announcing everyone who does not switch is "suppressing" that other half, and has a problem, and should try it, or rather, the partner one is with should let his partner try it.

ROTFWL

- same problem, with the pendulum swung the other way round.

Sorry, I have taken So much shit for being Switch I could not help feeling - hmm... let's move on here..

Obviously no one wants to be patronized or told what they are really like if only they could see it..and the problem remains the same.

Only solution I can see is to let people damn well decide for themselves what they are and what they want. They are the only ones who know.

And I do not believe half of the switches who run around nowadays are for real.

<grin>

I think it must be hard to be fulfilled in a relationship where you get only half of what you want.
The idea of playing outside the relationship is not an option for everyone, either (it certainly wouldn´t be ok for me).

It seems to me that many here are doing very well, I do not think you need worry. To me it has been a revelation to meet so many and happy switches, and my first reaction after coming here was a feeling of getting my head above water and inhaling a huge mouthful of fresh air after long suffocation. I was high as a kite for weeks!
THANK YOU for being here, guys :-))))))))))))))))))))))

In my situation I normally do not shift power relations with the same partners for the same reason already said: Some people pull at one side, and some at the other. I have two committed relationships (poly), and when I get better I will get my subs and oh how I look forward to that. Others have other solutions.

My sub side is the most difficult by far, while my dominant side comes easily. But I can sub 100% to the right person, and my previous subs were in no doubt that I am 100% dominant. I know it is hard to grasp, but nevertheless that is how it is.